R.L.

This boy here in this picture..yea I love him.

I want to move on so bad, but something is keeping me attached. He mite be messing with this other chick behind my back but at the same time we are nothing. I was doing so good at moving on until he came over one night and kissed me..man I don't get why he had to do that....I'm so confused on what I am to him. If I actually mean anything to him. I hope i find out one day. Im trying to get us back to being best friends. We use to be. I thought. but then of course I went psycho. I need to control my bi-polar. He put up with so much for me....I so hope he will put up with it again. I love you. <3

Being alone can be so free...but sometimes it feels like i'm in a cage. Locked out from everyone else around me. Once has someone attempted to come in the cage and sit we me so I wasn't alone. I thought that was love...I realized he left the door open so he could run out if he wanted to, and he did. Something I did in the tiny space we had made him draw back, and turn away from me. Another time I thought someone was going to stay, but after 6 months he left to. So now I lock the door from my side and keep everyone out. I don't want to chance someone leaving again. I have my job, my friends, and things I love to keep me occupied. I don't need a man anymore. I will decorate my cage the way I want to, and ignore the people outside the cage. I will be happy and live on in my own little space.

No More

No more half way deals

It's all or nothing.

I want something real

I am tired of the games

If u wanna play

then just go away

I have a life to live

chose to be in it or out of it

there is no on the line anymore

This will be a life of happiness

not sorrow and regret

Eighteen

Eighteen...I can't believe the day is here.

For years and year I have wished for this day to come..Now I wish time would go back.

It is time to stand up and backup all the words I have talked for years.

I don't know were I am going

I don't know what I will do

I have no clue who will be there

All I know is I have an Idea of it all

My old life is gone and my new life begins.

This time it is up to me how it goes...

Two More Months

Two more months till graduation. So close to what I have wanted for years. Yet so far. I have worked for years and focused on the future for so long. Now that it will finally be here in just a few months i'm so nervous, and so excited. I was thinking of dropping out for a while because I just didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted away from the high school crap. I just hated life and wanted to be were I was happy and with the one I was happy with. I miss my home so much. I miss him even more. I hate I can't be there for him. I hate how I can't visit him at all, But I know it has to be done. If I want a future there I need to stick it out here. I am so happy I did not drop not now. Everyone says I will miss school and all the "no responsibility" but I have enough of tho's already and no freedom. I can not wait to be my own person in charge of my own life. I just hope these plans work out one way or another. With as little depression as possible...

Happiness Within (:

I like to wake up, take my shower, brush my teeth, Get my Coffey, throw on sweats/jeans and a sweater or tank top, put a headband or ponytail in, maybe throw on some makeup, and just relax watching spongebob or something. I don't spend 5 years on my hair, 5 years making sure my makeup is perfect or that I look the best I can. I already think i look the best I want to. I dont wanna be a "high matenence" girl.

I don't worry if everyone else is happy with the way I look. Only if I am happy with it. I don't want to impress others. I just want to be comfy, and happy. Enjoy life however I feel like that day. I like being in the nerd/dork categories. It means I am not trying to be someone I am not. I "fit in" in my own way. I have some true friends who I love to death beacuse I am me. I wouldn't give them up for anything. Its not the quantity but the quality.

I just kind of realized I am happy with who I am,who I have become and were I am going for the first time.(:

Suck My Imaginary Dick

I don't get this whole "you have changed" shit. i haven't changed. I'm just not that happy so i'm not all jumping up and down giggling anymore. Suck my imaginary dick and get over it. I am so sick of everyone telling me how to live my life. Everyone saying who I am, who "i'v become" and who the fuck i'm going to be. Maybe if you left me alone and gave me some space I would be nice again. Don't give me shit about who I date, who i hangout with, things i like (music,sports teams, cars) Don't fucking tell me who i am! I don't agree with you, get over yourself. A lot of people don't agree with me, I don't push what how I think they should be on them.

If I don't wanna fuck you, I'm not gonna fuck you. GET OVER IT. Don't try and make me feel like shit cuz I wont spread my legs. I may like you but it doesn't mean I will fuck you. Im so sick of guys trying to get some. If I say no, get over it. If I wanna fuck you. It will happen. So calm down. Keep it in you're pants. If you are going to get all butt hurt about it. Go away. You are stress I don't need.

If I laugh at my team hurting your team fuck you two, id laugh if your team hurt my team its a fucking sport. GET OVER IT.

If I am tired and don't want to talk about what she said to you about what you're ex's boyfriends sister said about you. GET OVER IT. I don't give a shit. If its important I will care and be there for you, rather than that go talk to someone else.

DRUGS ARE FUCKING STUPID!

I don't like to party EVERY DAMN WEEKEND or every other weekend. I don't like to smoke or take any other drugs. push it in my face and I will either walk away or punch you. I don't like that shit. I dont wanna do it, you can have fun with it all you want. i dont live it. GET OVER IT!

I dont date who you like? FUCK YOU. I like they boys I date. You are not the one dating them so GET OVER IT. Move on. Be happy for me?

Im not always nice. I get sad really easy. If I am mean I prob don't realize i am doing it. OR you just pissed me off so bad I want you to go away. So I am mean. GET OVER IT.

I am my own person and im so sick of people being all "raw raw raw you need to like this and do this and act like this"

I am a nerdy,tomboy, girly girl, semi feminist girl. Who is opinionated and is bi-polar. I do my own thing,you don't like it. don't judge. Just walk away and live your life.