Being alone can be so free...but sometimes it feels like i'm in a cage. Locked out from everyone else around me. Once has someone attempted to come in the cage and sit we me so I wasn't alone. I thought that was love...I realized he left the door open so he could run out if he wanted to, and he did. Something I did in the tiny space we had made him draw back, and turn away from me. Another time I thought someone was going to stay, but after 6 months he left to. So now I lock the door from my side and keep everyone out. I don't want to chance someone leaving again. I have my job, my friends, and things I love to keep me occupied. I don't need a man anymore. I will decorate my cage the way I want to, and ignore the people outside the cage. I will be happy and live on in my own little space.

No More

No more half way deals

It's all or nothing.

I want something real

I am tired of the games

If u wanna play

then just go away

I have a life to live

chose to be in it or out of it

there is no on the line anymore

This will be a life of happiness

not sorrow and regret

Eighteen

Eighteen...I can't believe the day is here.

For years and year I have wished for this day to come..Now I wish time would go back.

It is time to stand up and backup all the words I have talked for years.

I don't know were I am going

I don't know what I will do

I have no clue who will be there

All I know is I have an Idea of it all

My old life is gone and my new life begins.

This time it is up to me how it goes...

Two More Months

Two more months till graduation. So close to what I have wanted for years. Yet so far. I have worked for years and focused on the future for so long. Now that it will finally be here in just a few months i'm so nervous, and so excited. I was thinking of dropping out for a while because I just didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted away from the high school crap. I just hated life and wanted to be were I was happy and with the one I was happy with. I miss my home so much. I miss him even more. I hate I can't be there for him. I hate how I can't visit him at all, But I know it has to be done. If I want a future there I need to stick it out here. I am so happy I did not drop not now. Everyone says I will miss school and all the "no responsibility" but I have enough of tho's already and no freedom. I can not wait to be my own person in charge of my own life. I just hope these plans work out one way or another. With as little depression as possible...

Happiness Within (:

I like to wake up, take my shower, brush my teeth, Get my Coffey, throw on sweats/jeans and a sweater or tank top, put a headband or ponytail in, maybe throw on some makeup, and just relax watching spongebob or something. I don't spend 5 years on my hair, 5 years making sure my makeup is perfect or that I look the best I can. I already think i look the best I want to. I dont wanna be a "high matenence" girl.

I don't worry if everyone else is happy with the way I look. Only if I am happy with it. I don't want to impress others. I just want to be comfy, and happy. Enjoy life however I feel like that day. I like being in the nerd/dork categories. It means I am not trying to be someone I am not. I "fit in" in my own way. I have some true friends who I love to death beacuse I am me. I wouldn't give them up for anything. Its not the quantity but the quality.

I just kind of realized I am happy with who I am,who I have become and were I am going for the first time.(:

INDEPENDENCE

I am my own woman

Nobody can change my ways or my dreams

Dumb is what you are

Electric is my personality

Please try and change me, i dare you

Energy is what you need if you wanna be with me

Nobody makes me feel like you do

Dares make everything fun

Envy is what I feel when i think of you with other girls

Nobody deserves to feel this way

Caring is my biggest flaw

Everyone deserves a chance

A Song For You

I worry I'm putting to much in

to this

I wonder if you're waiting

like I am

And sometimes I even doubt if you love me

like you say you do....

(music)

Thousands of miles away

weeks go by

not one word from you

The only time I see your face

is when I'm dreaming

I'm over thinking everything

crying myself to sleep

This is torture

this is horrible

this is not right

I finally see you I'm gonna say it's over

I'm done with this stupid stuff

I go to end it then you stop and say

Baby im sorry

I know i've been bad

I'm just so busy

I hope you understand

baby I love you

I truly do

stop your wondering and worrying

your gonna just tire yourself out

Im here for you

now no more doubts

just stay with me while you can

(Music)

I leave the next morning

more time goes by

everything happens all again

but I know that when I get to

where I'm going

you'll be there to wipe away all my doubts

dry my tears and say

Baby I'm sorry

I know I've been bad

I'm just so busy

I hope you understand

baby i love you

stop your wondering and worrying

your gonna just tire yourself out

I'm here for you

now no more doubts

just stay with me while you can